Sunday, November 13, 2011

Dear Jacob Black: A Guest Post by Emlyn Chand

This is a guest post by Emlyn Chand, author of Farsighted

Dear Jacob Black,

Hi. How are you doing? Me? Not so good. You see, I have a bone to pick with you (tacky pun intended).

Okay, first of all, why on God’s green Earth did you ever fall for Bella? I mean, really. Even the most fanatic of Twi-fans can’t understand what you see in her. You are so much better than Bella Swan-Cullen (insert gagging noises here).


No, don’t get down on yourself, you are!

Look at you; you’re a hulking stack of gorgeousness both on paper and on-screen. You’re also really sweet and funny and strong and... swoon... Did I tell you that my husband is Indian—mind you, he’s not the same kind of Indian as you, but yeah, I appreciate that look (wink, wink, Jakey boy).

Back to my point... I don’t think I ever would have finished the entire Saga if it hadn’t been for you. You are just the kind of guy I would love to be friends with. You made Twilight so, so interesting. And that scene at the end of Eclipse when you told Edward that Bella loves you too? I almost died. I mean, that was one of the best scenes in modern fiction. Seriously, Jacob, it was, and that was because of you!

It’s cool how you were always there for Bella, no matter what the consequences—not that she deserved your unwavering loyalty. It is also cool how you not only ride motorcycles, but you also fix them. You’re a man’s man and a ladies’ man, Jacob Black.

But do you wanna know what’s not cool? It’s so not cool how you fell in love with baby Renesme.

So. Not. Cool!

I understand that there was some kind of cosmic imprinting thing going on, but yuck! I mean, she’s a baby, and she’s not even interesting anyway. I personally think your saga would have ended much better if there had never ever been a Renesme. She shouldn’t’ve existed not only from the freak of nature standpoint (cus let’s face it, you’re a freak of nature too, and I like you a whole lot), but from a literary standpoint. I don’t feel like she contributed to the plot at all. It was kind of a mess.

But what do you know about that? Did I just rock your world by revealing that your whole existence takes place within the pages of a book? I am so sorry. I didn’t mean to reveal this secret. Darn it! I have to be more careful.

But now that you do know and hopefully you’ve recovered from the shock a bit, I have to say this: the imprinting business with Renesme, that’s not really the universe playing games with you. It’s Stephenie Meyer. Oh, in case you didn’t know, Stephenie Meyer is the name of your God. She created you.

Anyway, I believe she had you imprint on Renesme for two reasons:

1. She didn’t want you to be alone after Bella rejected you but also decided to keep you hanging around on a tight leash (another bad pun, sorry) – but this bit shows that your God does love you – yay!

2. She was sick of people saying that 100ish-year-old Edward diggin’ on 18-year-old Bella was disgusting. She wanted them to be like Romeo and Juliet, so innocent, so fated. So what does she do? She takes the heat off of them by giving you an even more disgusting love affair. Gee, thanks, Steph.

I personally think you should be with Leah Clearwater. Maybe if the two of you both gouge out your eyes all Oedipus Rex-style, that horrific imprint will go away, and you can just be together.

I also think there’s a chance you could find happiness with Shapri Teak—she lives inside of my book, Farsighted. I’d be more than happy to introduce you...

So...

In summary, while Ms. Meyer clearly loved you, she loved Edward more.

Just like Bella. Ha, burn!

I come from a place of kindness.

Eternally yours,





PS Edward sucks! Team Jacob!

PPS Do you know a guy named Sirius Black? If so, are you related to him? You have more in common than just your last name---aaaaawoooo!


Blog Tour Notes

THE BOOK:  Alex Kosmitoras may be blind, but he can still “see” things others can’t.  When his unwanted visions of the future begin to suggest that the girl he likes could be in danger, he has no choice but to take on destiny and demand it reconsider. Get your copy today by visiting Amazon.com’s Kindle store or the eBook retailer of your choice. The paperback edition will be available on November 24 (for the author’s birthday).

THE CASH PRIZES:  Guess what? You could win a $100 Amazon gift card as part of this special blog tour. That’s right! Just leave a comment below saying something about the post you just read, and you’ll be entered into the raffle. I could win $100 too! Please help by voting for my blog in the traffic-breaker poll. To cast your vote, visit the official Farsighted blog tour page and scroll all the way to the bottom. Thank you for your help with that.


THE GIVEAWAYS:  Win 1 of 10 autographed copies of Farsighted before its paperback release by entering the giveaway on GoodReads. Perhaps you’d like an autographed postcard from the author; you can request one on her site.

THE AUTHOR:  Emlyn Chand has always loved to hear and tell stories, having emerged from the womb with a fountain pen grasped firmly in her left hand (true story). When she’s not writing, she runs a large book club in Ann Arbor and is the president of author PR firm, Novel Publicity. Emlyn loves to connect with readers and is available throughout the social media interweb. Visit www.emlynchand.com for more info. Don’t forget to say “hi” to her sun conure Ducky!


MORE FUN: There's more fun below. Watch the live action Farsighted book trailer!






Ricochet Reviews Thoughts:

First of all - yey! Emlyn Chand! Of course, Ricochet Reviews is honored to have any of our featured authors, but this post is expecially cool, because she's awesome, Farsighted is awesome, and this blog tour is huge - which means you, my dear and cherished readers (pardon me, as I pat heads), get goodies! Yes, goodies! Yey for goodies!

In the "Blog Tour Notes" section of this post, skim through until you hear about the giveaway on Goodreadsan autographed postcard from the author, and cash prizes! Fun! And to learn how to vote for Ricochet Reviews, of course! Expecially because there are so many super-awesome things going on, I strongly encourage everyone to follow this book tour (if you're not already) and participate! There is some really awesome stuff going on that you don't get find everyday!

So the guest post above:

I loved this. Meloves Jacob Black (and Taylor-Lautner-Jacob-Black)! Oh, and Nessie? Cute, by bookish description, but the Nessie-Jake love? Uh-uh! Nope. Nada.

No love there.

Speaking of no love - pssh! Where's Edward? If you're thinking "Oh no!" - I'm saying "Oh yes!" RR is a Team Edward-Lovin', Twilightin' Fan Girl. Did I wait outside Target for an hour in the morning on the Breaking Dawn book release date? You betcha! Did I wait because of Jake? A little, a little - but he alone might've waited on a mail order.

I'm practically Edwardian.

Ha! Intended!

Please, hold your aged tomatoes!

All hilarities aside, this letter was a riot. Though everyone's pretty sure Jacob is weeping at the discovery of his cruel, cruel creator at this point, it was too funny! This was such a creative idea for a guest post, and the voice was amusing and enthused, all things I applaud! Thank you so very much for visiting with us, Emlyn! Ricochet Reviews loved having you, and will eagerly be following your future work.


Go check out Emlyn Chand and Farsighted.

Where You Can Find Emlyn Chand:

Where You Can Find Farsighted:

285 comments:

«Oldest   ‹Older   1 – 200 of 285   Newer›   Newest»
Emlyn Chand said...

Thank you for welcoming me on your blog once again, Miranda. You are seriously awesome! Are you a wolf girl too? ;-)

Miranda said...

You're so very welcome! Thank you for visiting! :) And yep! I love the wolves! LOL :)

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